The Calm, Structured Script That Stops Chaos Without Escalation
Dartmouth Decision Making Model (see: Dartmouth Decision making model).
Step 1: Identify the decision. IDENTIFY ALTERNATIVES You realize that you need to make a decision. Try to clearly dene the nature of the decision you must make. This first step is very important.
Step 2: Gather relevant information. Collect some pertinent information before you make your decision: what information is needed, the best sources of information, and how to get it. This step involves both internal and external “work.” Some information is internal: you’ll seek it through a process of self-assessment. Other information is external: you’ll find it online, in books, from other people, and from other sources.
Step 3: Identify the alternatives. As you collect information, you will probably identify several possible paths of action, or alternatives. You can also use your imagination and additional information to construct new alternatives. In this step, you will list all possible and desirable alternatives. REVIEW YOUR DECISION TAKE ACTION WEIGH THE EVIDENCE CHOOSE AMONG ALTERNATIVES
Step 4: Weigh the evidence. Draw on your information and emotions to imagine what it would be like if you carried out each of the alternatives to the end. Evaluate whether the need identified in Step 1 would be met or resolved through the use of each alternative. As you go through this di cult internal process, you’ll begin to favor certain alternatives: those that seem to have a higher potential for reaching your goal. Finally, place the alternatives in a priority order, based upon your own value system.
Step 5: Choose among alternatives. Once you have weighed all the evidence, you are ready to select the alternative that seems to be the best one for you. You may even choose a combination of alternatives. Your choice in Step 5 may very likely be the same or similar to the alternative you placed at the top of your list at the end of Step 4.
Step 6: Take action. You’re now ready to take some positive action by beginning to implement the alternative you chose in Step 5.
Step 7: Review your decision & its consequences In this initial step, consider the results of your decision and evaluate whether or not it has resolved the need you identified in Step 1. If the decision has not met the identified need, you may want to repeat certain steps of the process to make a new decision. For example, you might want to gather more detailed or somewhat different information or explore additional alternatives.
Most people try to handle difficult personalities with emotion, debate, or force. That never works. Difficult people thrive on emotional fog — confusion, intensity, and reaction.
The solution is surprisingly simple:
Shift the conversation from emotion to process. From chaos to structure. From argument to decision‑making.
The Dartmouth 7‑Step Decision‑Making Model is perfect for this. It’s calm, neutral, and impossible to fight with. And when you use it as a script, it quietly pulls the other person out of emotional mode and into thinking mode.
Here’s how to use it.
⭐ Step 0 — The Opening Move
Start with a calm acknowledgment that lowers defenses:
“I understand that you think X. Your decision‑making led you there.”
This does two things:
It validates their autonomy
It removes the emotional charge
Then pivot:
“And thinking is important. Dartmouth University has a great 7‑step decision‑making model I’ve been using because it keeps conversations calm and clear.”
Now you’ve reframed the entire interaction.
You’re not arguing. You’re walking through a process.
⭐ Step 1 — Identify the Real Problem
Most difficult people argue conclusions, not problems.
Ask:
“According to Dartmouth, Step 1 is identifying the actual problem we’re trying to solve. So what’s the real problem we’re solving here?”
This forces clarity. It also exposes when the “problem” is emotional, not logical.
⭐ Step 2 — Gather Relevant Information
You’re not challenging them — you’re asking for their process.
“Step 2 is gathering relevant information. What information did you use to reach your conclusion?”
This moves them out of emotion and into evidence.
⭐ Step 3 — Identify the Alternatives
Rigid thinkers rarely consider alternatives.
Ask:
“Step 3 is identifying alternatives. What other possibilities did you consider before deciding X?”
This reveals whether they actually thought or just reacted.
⭐ Step 4 — Weigh the Evidence
You’re not asking them to defend themselves — you’re asking them to evaluate.
“Step 4 is weighing the evidence. What made X feel like the strongest option to you?”
This forces them to articulate reasoning instead of emotion.
⭐ Step 5 — Choose Among Alternatives
Now you’re asking them to justify their choice.
“Step 5 is choosing the best alternative. Given the options you considered, why was X the best one?”
This is where most difficult positions collapse.
⭐ Step 6 — Take Action
This step exposes whether their conclusion actually leads anywhere.
“Step 6 is taking action. What action do you think follows from your conclusion?”
Many difficult people have no actionable next step. This reveals it.
⭐ Step 7 — Review the Decision
This is your graceful exit.
“And Step 7 is reviewing the decision later. If new information comes up, are you open to revisiting it?”
You’re not arguing. You’re leaving the door open.
⭐ The Full Script (Copy‑and‑Paste Ready)
**“I understand that you think X. Your decision‑making led you there.
And thinking is important. Dartmouth University has a great 7‑step decision‑making model I’ve been using because it keeps conversations calm and clear.
Step 1 is identifying the actual problem we’re trying to solve. So what’s the real problem we’re solving here?
Step 2 is gathering relevant information — what information did you use to reach your conclusion?
Step 3 is identifying alternatives — what other possibilities did you consider?
Step 4 is weighing the evidence — what made X feel like the strongest option?
Step 5 is choosing among alternatives — why was X the best choice for you?
Step 6 is taking action — what action do you think follows from your conclusion?
And Step 7 is reviewing the decision — if new information comes up, are you open to revisiting it?”**
This script is calm. It’s structured. It’s non‑reactive. It’s clarity‑driven.
And it works because it forces the other person to think — not attack
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